OK, I really don’t have anything to blog about (well, I promised myself not to mention anywhere that today Lithuania lost a case in European Court of Human Rights for not having a proper legislature regarding proper treatment of transsexual people), hence I turn for help into YouTube:
Weird Al Yankovic rules, yay!
As most of you have already been informed, yesterday I got fired for the first time. Well, to be absolutely technical, I wasn’t, because I managed to say “I quit” faster than the Main Dude said “You’re fired”. I won’t go into much details, what actually happened there, but those, who have known me for at least so time know that I am terribly straightforward and always name things as I see them. Of course, naming your boss as you see him isn’t always the best idea, hence the fuss and my eventual quitting.
I don’t plan to stay without a job for long. As I don’t see any guilt of my own in what happened (the boss started it first with setting impossible deadlines and insisting on doing absolutely everything his way), I think I’ll just forget all this shit that happened and instead find another project in my university that I can join under supervision of someone brighter than the Dude. I spent whole last evening thinking about it and I guess I have found just a person, so all this thing may actually turn out to the better after all.
So how does Carney usually wander in the internet? Very simple:
POINT 1. Check Tiffy’s blog as you usually do.
POINT 2. Watch YouTube video in her blog.
POINT 3. Watch the original by Rihanna in YouTube.
POINT 4. Notice Rihanna walking “en pointe” and go to appropriate Wikipedia article (where I find the fancy name).
POINT 5. Read Wikipedia article about that seemingly painful way of walking.
POINT 6. Read Wikipedia article about shoes, used for that kind of walking.
POINT 7. Read Wikipedia article about ballet shoes and wonder for a while, what is the actual difference.
POINT 8. Click here and see this picture.
God, where is this world coming through. And I don’t even like Rihanna all that much.
I have to go to sleep as I am going away until Tuesday and for some reason that means waking up at 7 AM. Anyway, to make sure you have fun next couple of days, here’s a little evil trick you can try (works on any Windows system with Desktop functionality)
Let me just say this is the scariest cool thing ever. Like… whoa! And there are plenty more in Youtube, which are just as scary cool.
And, of course, if you want try something like that yourself, you can do it in here. Have fun!
As you can easily remember (because the post is right below this one), a week ago I had an unexpected guest. Well, apparently, it didn’t stay in my home for a long time, because I’m not too keen to keep wild animals away from the wild (even the wild of the city). And bats don’t make ideal pets anyway, because they sleep at day and hunt at night. Anyway, I released the creature the same day we pulled it from behind of the refridgerator. It seemed absolutely exhausted and helpless then, but twelve-hour nap and a bit of meat later the dude was flying all over my room, frightening my cat, which almost ate it the night before. So I let it out.
Anyway, it’s all memories now. Especially that part about the cat catching the bat. Only a week passed, and the evil hunter is reduced to a barely moving weak creature three inches from death who will certainly not reach Christmas. Well, who am I kidding, it’s only 50% my cat will reach September, which is something like two weeks away. The reason? Breast cancer, which developed because of the contraceptive medications we used because we couldn’t afford having several kittens every several months and selling them to kebab makers. Yes, we should have sterilized the cat in the first place. That was our mistake, and now the cat is paying for it. Sad, really. Thus, always sterilize your cat, unless you plan on having little kittens after some time. And always check out whether contraceptives of your choice don’t have unpleasant side effects (we find out that the contraceptives we used were cancerogenic after they were got a country-wide ban, yay!).
P.S. For some weird reason this post remained unpublished… Sorry!
For those, who don’t get the reference:
All alone, or in two’s,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.And when they’ve given you their all
Some stagger and fall,
After all it’s not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.Pink Floyd - Outside The Wall
I wanted badly to extend the “push the post down” series to the part nine before posting something like this, but I don’t feel I can come up with four more posts soon enough. Whatever, we all know I am a lousy blogger.
OK, frankly, what you have read in THE POST is 80% bullshit. There is some truth in it and the photo was genuine, however, most of it was complete lies, forged for one particular reason. But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
First of all, I did have a problem with gender identity. I did question myself, am I really not a girl in a boy’s body. I did research all over the Internet about this topic. I did my best, and then I decided… I am not. I am very sorry that my previous girlfriend had to suffer through it all and most probably that was the main reason we split up anyway. I imagine it should have been painful. Well, OK, I wasn’t 100% sure, but I really thought that it’s most probably not my path of life.
There are some reasons why I questioned myself. Maybe I didn’t realise most of them myself back then, but right now I see it as a way to simply build a wall between myself and the rest of people who were hurting me a bit too much. Almost as in “if you don’t like me the way I am, I will be someone absolutely different then, but that won’t be me”. Yes, I know it sounds mad, but I don’t think I can claim full sanity with the things I wrote in the post anyway. However, I can calm you down - that phase passed very fast and I realised it’s all just an illusion.
If I were at least a bit superstitious, I could bullshit you right now, how a bat, which returned to me last night, and the lightning without thunder were the signs from some supernatural beings to stop this nonsense, however, bats aren’t all that rare in this part of the city and lightning between clouds does not produce thunder, because it is too high from the ground. However, as I am not too good at sleeping with lights flashing right into my eyes, I lied in my bed and thought about all this stuff and realised I should stop now. You see, while I knew the answer that I am not a transsexual all along, I still intentionally made the “confession”, because I am a heartless bastard and I wanted to find out by these radical means where some of my friends really stand. I was curious, whether admitting something like this would reveal something in them I was not aware before. Well… sadly… it did reveal, but I won’t go in much detail about it. Let’s say it was all an eye-openning experience for me. Am I happy that I did it? Not necessarily. I really can’t tell.
So, just to sum up - I am not a transsexual. It was all just a temporary crisis earlier in my life that I have crossed (I think) successfully. However, I am a heartless bastard and I wanted to test out my friends and their opinions about me in a different light. I wanted to really find what is important in me for them. Thus, I conducted a scientific experiment. I am sorry for anyone, who feels mentally damaged by this, but you won’t get a refund. I am also amazed that there were several people who read through my this plan at once. Shows how good they know me.
Everything happened around 3 AM local time, as I was reading Dungeons & Dragons player’s manual (out of pure curiosity, what the hell is the game about and how it works). Suddenly I realised that my usually very calm and lazy cat is too active for this time of night. Of course, I didn’t hear a single thing over my headphones, so I just thought my cat wants to have some fun. After a while I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye, that my cat has something in here mouth… something quite a bit bigger than her usual prey (flies).
15 seconds and a quick fight with a cat later I had a bat in my hands. I always imagined that they are quite bigger (well, there are some quite huge species, like a flying fox with a wingspan of 5 feet), but actually there isn’t much of flesh in there at all, just skin and bones. It was mighty scared as well, so it didn’t even try to escape from me.
“What should I do?”, I thought then. I mean, parents wouldn’t be too happy, if I woke them up at 3 AM. They aren’t even too happy that I am not sleeping at 3 AM myself. And then a bright idea struck me - put the thing behind refridgerator. I mean, if the thing is as helpless as it looks like, it won’t go too far away, and it’s warm and cozy there! So there it went.
So now that everyone is up, we moved the fridge, got out the bat and put it properly in the box. It still seems to be very scared, because he doesn’t try to escape from me. However, that thing is mighty quick, I can give you that, because when it did try escape from my cat, it almost succeeded. The bad news is he is unable to fly. There doesn’t seem to be any bone fractures or broken bones in the wings, but the critter refuses to fly, and when tried to do that once, crash-landed after two seconds.
The Many Uses of Coca-Cola
1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coke into the toilet bowl. Let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean.
4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
8. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
9. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FYI:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It’s pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
2. To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Drink up!
Where do I start… OK, first of all, I hate Coke just because it tastes terrible, however, when I read nonsense like this, the hatred for idiots who wrote this overcomes the hatred to the drink itself.
First of all, phosphoric acid is not an active ingredient of Coke. It is there, but it is far from being the most important ingredient. pH of Coke is not 2.8, it’s pH of phosphoric acid, I’m yet to hear that anyone drank that. Furthermore, Coke will not dissolve nail (neither that metal one nor the one on your finger). If you’re still considering that nonsense as true, then let me remind me that your own stomache is full of gastric acid, which is mostly hydrochloric acid, also known as one of the strongest acids in this Universe. Hahaha, take that. If you think Coke is going to kill you, you better get rid of your stomache as soon as you can as well.
Speaking of transporting concentrate… well, d’uh, they need Highly Corrosive card to transport lemon juice concentrate as well. That’s the very point of concentrates - no one drinks them, they are dissolved in generous amount of water before consumption. If you’re idiot enough to drink concentrated Coke, well… good riddance. While we’re on that, did you know that concentrated fart gas may cause explosion? Better stop farting then, or you might blow up.
And the bit about using Coke to clean anything is utterly stupid. This claim has been debunked multiple times, but it still keeps popping up every now and then. If you want to clean something, use cleaner! On a side note, try to taste cleaner, you may be surprised that it tastes absolutely revolting, but it is nowhere near acid, because… surprise! Fat is not dissolved by acid, it is far more effectively dissolved by soap and water. So, if you try to clean your toilet with Coke - have fun and be prepared to waste a lot of time on that, because Coke doesn’t clean much better than regular water.
You can hate Coke’s tastes if you want to, but at least check your data before sending spam like that to my inbox. And when you throw up, I hope that gastric acid will dissolve your teeth and your vomit will make your toilet shine, just like Coke.
